worry less. smile more. accept criticism. take responsibility. listen & love. don't hate. embrace change. & feel good anyway

Always a Bridesmaid..

So I think I'm a total sucker for weddings. I'm pretty sure this all started when one of my best friends, Amy :), got married over the summer. It was such a beautiful wedding and we all had such a great time sharing the blessing of her love and marriage. :)

Ever since then I have been skimming wedding photography sites, reading wedding blogs, so on.. I just LOVE seeing happy couples.

I'm hoping someday that happens for me..
I want to have the best wedding ever.
It will be the best, most fun day of my life, I just know it :)

Still..

Getting your feelings hurt has got to be one of the worst feelings in the world. As I've gotten older, it's happened less and less, but then when it does happen.. it still sucks pretty bad. :/ I guess you gotta just forget about things sometimes..


It's time to back off again.

Food for thought

"Love is like a stubborn youth, its all false love and affection, you don't want me you just like the attention..."

Shower Time.

Now, don't laugh at me, but one of my favorite times of day is SHOWER TIME! :) Haha i feel like I can just forget about the whole world and just turn my iPod on and sing and dance to fun songs and just totally let go! It's fun and carefree and I always look forward to it :)

Week One. Done.

Well, the first week back in Flagstaff is over. Well kinda. I mean I haven't been here for a week yet, but the first week of classes is finished. I survived! Well kinda, I battled a nasty bout of the 24 hour flu a few days ago, and had to miss 2 days of classes.. so I'm a little behind, but I have made it to all of my classes and let me tell you.. it is NOT going to be an easy semester.. I'm taking Organic Chemistry (which has already gone WAY over my head and we are just supposed to be reviewing!) and the second semester of physics.. which also is already wayy too much for me.. and an online English class.. which is going to have a lot of work! AND Functional Anatomy & Kinesiology.. which hopefully won't be TOO hard, I have such a heavy load this semester! :( But hopefully it will still be good & I can still have fun.

Good wishes to you all! :)

Quick Update.

This week has been pretty good, considering I don't have a car. My friends have been very generous with their offers to drive, and I think we might have even hung out more than we would have if i DID have my car! :) Lots of lunch dates this week, and we went to Corvette Diner one night (we got that new glowing room.. it was sweeeet) & we made a trip to the beach yesterday! :)

It's crazy to think that this winter break is almost over! tomorrow is my last day home before I head back to Flagstaff on Sunday. I'm kinda bummed about it. But, since I know that I have no choice, I'm pretty much ready for it.

Let's kick butt for one more semester :)

Have you ever had one of those days where you realize everything, at least at that moment.. just kind of sucks? Not like EVERYTHING, like.. life is still good at that moment, but a bunch of little things just start adding up? Yeah, today was one of those days for me.

I thought I would be getting my car back from the shop today (it's in there because some idiot backed up into me while I was parked at a restaurant in Flagstaff..), but as it turns out, I'm not.. and we have to call back on Wednesday to see when I will be getting it back, and HOPE that it will be before I have to go back to Flagstaff on Sunday morning. So I have no car. And it's been a week. It's frustrating. And I need to go into Verizon because the internet on my blackberry isn't working right now, and we are paying for a data plan every month, the internet should be working. But I can't go into Verizon because I have no car.. I also need to go into the bank because I need to make sure my bills are paid , but again I can't because I have no car. Oh and I leave in a week and would love to be able to hang out with friends easier..


GRRR... blaaahhh :/

Happy New Year!

It's soo crazy to think that it's 2010 already! Life is just FLYING by! I hope that this year holds much better, more exciting adventures than this last year. Looking back, I have grown so much over this last year. Individually and in my relationships with other people, and I am excited to see where this year takes me. :)

My New Years Resolutions.. (which is cliche but I don't see anything wrong with a couple things to try to better in my life..)
- be open to new things
- meet more new people
- spend more time with people who actually care about me
- not be so needy.. be more independent :)
- lose weight ;) seriously though.
- work out more often, eat healthier.. make it a lifestyle.
- have fun!



This weekend was a great way to spend my New Years. On Thursday I went out to the desert with Brett & some of his friends and family. Yes, I said Brett.. I won't go into details on this post, but things are good between us. But anyways, we had so much fun! :) It was awesome getting to watch him ride in the dunes again, he's super sexy ;) Haha but yeah, we went with an awesome group of people who were so welcoming and nice and we all had a ton of fun. I was excited to come home today though, and see my family and friends and watch the end of the Charger game! :)

Speaking of the Chargers... GOOO BOLTS!! They are DAMN good this season, 13-3!!? Winning the last 11 games?! It's soo fun! I'm thinking that I'm going to get a new jersey.. I kind of want one of those pink ones.. with RIVERS on it.. ;)


hmmm... :)

Good Morning! :)

Well, I guess technically it's not that much of the morning anymore, since it's 10:30. But oh well, I'm just now getting ready for the day. Whether that means I'm lazy or I'm just enjoying my Winter break, I'm not sure, and it doesn't really matter, I guess! :)

Let's see.. my break has been pretty awesome so far, filled with family and friends and some guy. ;) But yeah, it's been so nice to be home and NOT in the freezing cold snowy weather. Hopefully by the time I have to go back in a few weeks the snow will have STOPPED. I don't need any more craaazzyy blizzards in my lifetime, unless it's going to cancel finals again! ;)

But anyways, I'm spending most of the next few days with my girlfriends! I'm so excited. Me and Elizabeth are supposed to go to the beach today, and then I think I get to hang out with my girls from school tonight! I'm pretty excited, I have missed them! :) Which is kinda silly because I live with them most of the time, but maybe that's WHY I missed them! So there's that..

Tomorrow I get to work with my dad, which could be cool or a nightmare haha. I guess we'll see. He's had a lot of pain with his back lately (poor guy.. it's so not like him to need help with ANYTHING) and wants me to go in with him to help him out. Then I plan on hanging out with Lindsey! :) I'm pretty excited for everything lately! haha


Then I'm spending New Years out at the desert with some friends! It should be a great time! :)


Well, no emotional stuff in this post, all is well! I hope this post finds you well too!

Tata for now!

Determination.

I'm going to have it this New Year. I have just lost so much of myself over this past year, it's time to find ME again. I am getting fat and ugly and lonely and needy and I don't want that. It's time to be stronger, physically and mentally. I'm a strong woman and it's time to prove that to the world.

The word is 'Faithful' look it up. it don't mean sneaking around behind my back like you ain't getting enough The word is 'Easy' you better look it up and you'll see a picture of that piece of trash ridin' round in your pick-up truck

God wants you to know..

you are not to shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find and keep. The quickest way to find love is to give love. If you want it too badly, you will not find it. The most secure way to keep love is to give it space and care to grow. If you hold it too tightly, you will lose it.


I really liked this one. <3

doubts.

i wonder if i made the wrong decision. i miss him and i love him. i guess i'll never know..

anyways. i have my exercise physiology lab final soon. i'm nervous but it's open notes so hopefully it will go well! then working tonight, which is good.. i need hours soo badly.. i'm soo broke it hurts! :(


anyways. i'm currently listening to dustin kensrue - "pistol". great song, you should listen to it!! can't wait for a guy to feel that way about me! yay..

Hello. It's a pretty bad day. What other way to express my bummed-ness than on my blog.

It's stupid so you should probably stop reading. But I'm just stuck. Really, really stuck. I'm trying to focus on friends and family, but honestly ALL my friends are finding REALLY great guys. They are all in strong, healthy relationships with guys who really care about them. It would be so much easier if I had my single, fun, crazy girlfriends around. But now.. it seems like everyone is finding happiness. I see them and I TRY sooo hard not to be jealous, to just be HAPPY for them.. but I just feel sad. It makes me sad. I want to be okay with being single, I AM okay with being single, but it's so hard to see everyone else soo happy and in love and know that I'm missing that love from my life.. :'(

I dunno what to do anymore.

Good morning

Hello everyone. Well, everyone who reads this. I hope you all have a beautifully blessed week! :)

I had the luck to get to go home for the past 5 days and i had SUCH a great time. It was different, not going to lie, spending soo much time with my family, whereas I used to spend the majority of my time trying to figure out when I would see my boyfriend. It was so nice! :) I enjoyed it so much. Playing with my little niece and nephew, hanging out with my sister and older niece, and my parents. Not to mention seeing all my extended family too! :) It was awesome, and I had such a great time. Didn't make it to the beach, AGAIN.. so that will have to be done a lot when I'm in town for winter break..

Speaking of winter break.. I come home for that in 11 little days! :) So this week is reading week (and I have 1 final) and then I have finals until the next Thursday and then it is back to home sweet home for me! :)


Hey, guys. I have a prayer request. I told Brett to stop texting me last night. After some conversation & tears (on my side at least), I think I got through to him. I just would love it if you guys would pray for strength for me. It's going to be hard to deal with this, I miss that guy EVERY day and I still want to love him, and I need help realizing that I AM strong enough to do this without him, without ANY guy for that matter.. that I need to stop focusing on needing or wanting a guy. Any prayers would help, or encouraging words, or advice, or anything. Thanks you guys, soo much. <3



xoxoxo.

turn out the lights, just say goodnight to yourself, may I remind you when you find your all alone is when you got to be STRONG! thats when he'll call you in the night, hes got your picture in his mind, hes got your number on a paper, at his disposal anytime. Is it really true? can you save yourself for someone who cou...ld love you for you, so many times we just give it away...

Being treated like crap is just not fun. Especially when it is by some of your closest friends. Like, I have a feeling that some of my closest friends, whom I have called my best friends for YEARS upon years, just don't really like me. I don't know why I feel this way, MAYBE it's my imagination. But I really don't feel like it is. I feel like they think that they are better than me, and that they don't really care about my feelings or our friendship at all for that matter. They only think about themselves and think that they are all high and mighty, like I can't see through their fake relationships with me.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do or how I'm supposed to react to this realization.

But it sucks, a lot.

I wish they cared about how much it hurts not to be wanted. To not feel good enough to be their friend. It's stupid and I shouldn't care, but I love these girls, they ARE friends.. to me at least..


That's all..

Changes.

Well, I am kinda disgusted with myself. I have been sick this last week and haven't really been paying attention to the foods I have been eating, and when looking at my body, I can really tell. I'm grossed out when I look in the mirror. I'm going to start eating less again. Maybe with the exception of Thanksgiving day dinner. But that's it. I'm so over being fat and unattractive.

On the way to a whole new me..

so keep your head up

and for now just keep making it through the days

then after you're making it through, then you can start to try to feel better

and then you can start to rebuild.

its a process haha