It's hard to remember why I did it. I miss him so much. I just have to remember that he wasn't the same person that I fell in love with. Sure, I know he loves me.. But I think sometimes that isn't enough.. I miss him so much. I wish this never had to happen. I wish our relationship had been getting stronger instead of weaker. I wish he had wanted it as bad as I did. :(


So much for wishful thinking..
Where did it ever get anyone..


I go back to Flagstaff in a little over a week. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm excited sometimes, because it will be fun to be able to do whatever I feel like doing, and I won't hurt anyones feelings or lose any trust from anyone. I can make new friends and meet new people, and maybe it will help me move on. But I'm also scared that I'm going to miss my family more than ever, who am I going to turn to when I just feel like crying? I can't get hugs from them when I feel lonely. I won't be able to call Brett just to talk to someone.. I won't be able to do any of that. So I'm scared. I don't know what to do.


I just feel so lost in life right now.
I don't feel like myself anymore..
Why did I lose that?
:(

i don't want this anymore. i know i made a mistake. i miss him, i love him, i want things to work for us. :( why can't they.

I miss him.

and i hate it. i wish it didn't have to be like this. i wish everything could have just gotten better and we could still just love one another.



i have a lot .. a LOT of growing up to do. :'(

Heartbreak.

It sucks. Really, really bad.


You guys, I never wanted to break up with Brett. It's hard having to DO it than having it done to you. I feel like this is all in my hands.. like it's all my fault. I honestly can't stop hurting, feeling like I made the wrong decision. I feel sick all the time, I can't stop sobbing. I wanted nothing more than to fix everything with him. I really, really did. I still wish I could. I want to try again. But you can only try so many times before you have to realize it won't work out, ever. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. SO FUCKING MUCH. This kills like nothing else :'( I want to know why it wouldn't work out for us. We were so perfect together, I still want him and no one else.

My mind doesn't work anymore..


Hopelessly (literally) in love..

Tracy.

:'(

A Stronger Woman.

I always want to be stronger. I am a strong person, and I know and believe that. It's so important that I am able to take care of myself, and to be able to do it with a smile on my face. I want to be happy, always, even through the toughest, most trying times. I know God is on my side, and how can I fail if I have Him?


XOXO,
Tracy

This weekend was a ton of fun!

I kicked off the weekend by going hiking with Shannon! It kicked my butt.. but it's something I want to keep doing, it was a lot of fun and a new way to exercise!! Then I worked all night, which was nothing special but at least I made some money!!

On Saturday we got up at the buttcrack of dawn and headed to the beach :) Me, Samie, Shannon and Rickie were there all day with some other awesome people joining us later in the day. We had such a great time just relaxing at the beach, and boogey-boarding & playing volley-ball, roasting hot dogs and chillin by the fire.. it was a perfect day at the beach!! :)


On Sunday I went riding with Brett and his friend Jarrett. It was a lot of fun watching my awesome boyfriend ride!! He's so great. It was HOT in the sun, but we still had lots of fun..


So needless to say, I'm pooped now after a great weekend in the sun.


Time to rest up for the next weekend.. River time!!! :)

Hello, July.

Hi everyone. I hope this post finds you all well. I'm just posting to remind myself of some things I guess. :)


These last few days I have been upset about things, and I don't know why. My heart hurt and I was just plain sad. I'm not even about to be PMSing, so it was bugging me a lot that I would be so upset over NOTHING at all. Unfortunately, I took it out on one of the people who loves me the most in my life, Brett. We fought and we fought and eventually worked it out. But I guess that's not the point of this blog.


I'm writing this to remind myself how strong I am. That I can make myself happy. Not alone, of course. My friends and my family make me the strong woman that I am today, and I'm not ready to lose that. I'm not ready to rely on other people to make me happy. I think that's probably why I started to get upset these last few days. Because no one was going out of their way to make ME happy. Hell, what makes me that special? I got to get out there and make it for myself. Life is good, I am an amazing woman, and I never, EVER want to forget that. :)