My weekend..

Well, I made it through the first weekend since the breakup. I had fun, I'm not going to lie. I have missed my friends, and I didn't even know it. I'm looking forward to the day when my fun time with them isn't followed by coming home and crying. I know that day is coming, I know it is. Every time I'm with my friends I can see that glimmer of hope.. The fact that I'm becoming a better, stronger person from this is undeniable. It's still hard. I question this every day. I don't know why this happened. I really don't GET IT. And that's the hardest part.. How do two people who are so madly in love with each other become strangers? How does that happen..?


But there is hope.. I know there is.


This week I have to contact some people about internships. I wish I had just done it right away when I got home. I'm nervous. I don't like talking to people on the phone about stuff. It's weird haha.. But I have to grow up and just do it, I guess. Haha.. Easier said than done.

AND I need to start looking around for a job. It sucks because I really want to be picky about it. I really don't want a job where I have to work on the weekends. I want that time to be able to spend with my friends and family and go on vacations.. but I also want some money..

I want money so I can buy new clothes.. I want to look good (now that I'm single.. jk I'm definitely NOT dating.. for like.. ever.. I'm so over it.) And I want to buy myself a Tiffany&Co ring, really really badly. And then start saving up to buy a macbook.. I've heard they're amazing, and after my piece of crap laptop, I could use something amazing.


Well, I think I've written enough. I'm getting tired, I guess it's bedtime..



Hopeful...
Goodnight, xoxo.

Question..

What do you do.. when the person you used to run to for comfort, for support, the person who could make you happy no matter what..

isn't in your life anymore :(




I hope this blog stops being about this soon.. :(

If I think about it..

I really am not ready to date. Definitely not ready to date guys at this age. What guy that I know at this age is really looking for a SERIOUS relationship? None of them. They think they are, but then they freak out when they think long-term, and you end up getting your heart broken. I don't want to ever have a broken heart again.

Change of heart.

Brett broke up with me. And I don't understand. I know I have to stop questioning it, and just accept it and move on, but I can't. I don't know how. Everything was so perfect for me, I don't know how it wasn't for him. I'm so hurt. I'm so angry that I am so hurt. He is such an amazing guy, how did I lose him? I didn't do anything wrong, I know I didn't. How does love just slip away like that? It's not fair, it's not fair at all to let yourself fall in love with someone for them to just walk away. I feel like an idiot. Like I was made a fool of. I don't know where to find comfort, I just don't know what to do. The "what-if's" are over, I'm not trying to figure out what I could have done.. I just wonder why this happened. HOW COULD HE NOT WANT US ANYMORE?! I just don't know..


I was willing to work everything out. I wanted so bad to salvage our relationship. Nothing was wrong in the first place, how could it end with just one stupid fight? I'm so in shock, this doesn't seem real.. It really doesn't. I miss him with my whole heart. I love him with everything I have. But it hurts to feel these feelings because I know he isn't coming back this time. He is gone. He isn't mine.


I just wish the memories would disappear. For right now at least. They hurt so bad to think about. We just recently had so much fun doing so many things. We had so many plans for life.. It all seemed to work out perfectly. I wanted to love him with everything I had.. I just don't know what to do, I just want to feel better.


And I am sorry to say, but I hope he regrets this. :(


I love you Brett Browne, and I ALWAYS, ALWAYS will...

Every girl...

wants to feel wanted. wants to feel like she's loved.
especially when she's in a relationship.
it's almost harder to not feel those feelings
when you know you should be.

so right now, all you can do is take a break.
not a real break, but a break for yourself.
just relax, be happy, have a little fun,
smile, laugh, feel like yourself again.


:) xoxo.



everything is going to be okay,
just dance ♥

You just have to remember...

There will always be off-days. Days when it's not all smiles and kisses. But that's okay. We don't have to be perfect..

Blah.


Hopelessly in love.

Being Freshly Blonde..

probably one of the best feelings in the world :)


i'm having a good summer so far.
that is all. :) kbye.