Sunday, May 31, 2009

My weekend..

Well, I made it through the first weekend since the breakup. I had fun, I'm not going to lie. I have missed my friends, and I didn't even know it. I'm looking forward to the day when my fun time with them isn't followed by coming home and crying. I know that day is coming, I know it is. Every time I'm with my friends I can see that glimmer of hope.. The fact that I'm becoming a better, stronger person from this is undeniable. It's still hard. I question this every day. I don't know why this happened. I really don't GET IT. And that's the hardest part.. How do two people who are so madly in love with each other become strangers? How does that happen..?

But there is hope.. I know there is.

This week I have to contact some people about internships. I wish I had just done it right away when I got home. I'm nervous. I don't like talking to people on the phone about stuff. It's weird haha.. But I have to grow up and just do it, I guess. Haha.. Easier said than done.

AND I need to start looking around for a job. It sucks because I really want to be picky about it. I really don't want a job where I have to work on the weekends. I want that time to be able to spend with my friends and family and go on vacations.. but I also want some money..

I want money so I can buy new clothes.. I want to look good (now that I'm single.. jk I'm definitely NOT dating.. for like.. ever.. I'm so over it.) And I want to buy myself a Tiffany&Co ring, really really badly. And then start saving up to buy a macbook.. I've heard they're amazing, and after my piece of crap laptop, I could use something amazing.

Well, I think I've written enough. I'm getting tired, I guess it's bedtime..

Goodnight, xoxo.

Friday, May 29, 2009


What do you do.. when the person you used to run to for comfort, for support, the person who could make you happy no matter what..

isn't in your life anymore :(

I hope this blog stops being about this soon.. :(

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

If I think about it..

I really am not ready to date. Definitely not ready to date guys at this age. What guy that I know at this age is really looking for a SERIOUS relationship? None of them. They think they are, but then they freak out when they think long-term, and you end up getting your heart broken. I don't want to ever have a broken heart again.

Change of heart.

Brett broke up with me. And I don't understand. I know I have to stop questioning it, and just accept it and move on, but I can't. I don't know how. Everything was so perfect for me, I don't know how it wasn't for him. I'm so hurt. I'm so angry that I am so hurt. He is such an amazing guy, how did I lose him? I didn't do anything wrong, I know I didn't. How does love just slip away like that? It's not fair, it's not fair at all to let yourself fall in love with someone for them to just walk away. I feel like an idiot. Like I was made a fool of. I don't know where to find comfort, I just don't know what to do. The "what-if's" are over, I'm not trying to figure out what I could have done.. I just wonder why this happened. HOW COULD HE NOT WANT US ANYMORE?! I just don't know..

I was willing to work everything out. I wanted so bad to salvage our relationship. Nothing was wrong in the first place, how could it end with just one stupid fight? I'm so in shock, this doesn't seem real.. It really doesn't. I miss him with my whole heart. I love him with everything I have. But it hurts to feel these feelings because I know he isn't coming back this time. He is gone. He isn't mine.

I just wish the memories would disappear. For right now at least. They hurt so bad to think about. We just recently had so much fun doing so many things. We had so many plans for life.. It all seemed to work out perfectly. I wanted to love him with everything I had.. I just don't know what to do, I just want to feel better.

And I am sorry to say, but I hope he regrets this. :(

I love you Brett Browne, and I ALWAYS, ALWAYS will...

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Every girl...

wants to feel wanted. wants to feel like she's loved.
especially when she's in a relationship.
it's almost harder to not feel those feelings
when you know you should be.

so right now, all you can do is take a break.
not a real break, but a break for yourself.
just relax, be happy, have a little fun,
smile, laugh, feel like yourself again.

:) xoxo.

everything is going to be okay,
just dance ♥

Friday, May 22, 2009

You just have to remember...

There will always be off-days. Days when it's not all smiles and kisses. But that's okay. We don't have to be perfect..


Hopelessly in love.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Being Freshly Blonde..

probably one of the best feelings in the world :)

i'm having a good summer so far.
that is all. :) kbye.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

That's all folks!!

I'm finally done with this semester! It has been one crazy, stressful, dramatic, frustrating week!! I'm so so glad it's over. I'm praying for an easy drive home tomorrow!!

So, you know how in my last blog, about finals week? How I was complaining about having 7:30 finals EVERY day this week.. WELL.. OBVIOUSLY it's a stupid idea, because I have been getting up at 6:20 am every day.. and today well guess what.. I FREAKING SLEPT THROUGH MY ALARM!!! :( I have NEVER in my life done that before today. It sucks. My final started at 7:30 and I didn't wake up until 7:47. AH!!! I basically ran to class. It's been a hectic day ever since I woke up!! I had another final after that, my heart still beating like crazy ever since I woke up.. and then came back and have been packing ever since!! My legs are killing me by now. Luckily I had a LOT of help from my friends like Scott, Maurice & Melissa. It would have been much worse without them!!!

Anyways, I'm going to bed now. Because tomorrow I'm driving home! EW to an 8 hour drive.. hopefully it goes by fast! I'm gonna try to be home by 3 when Brett gets off work :)

Bye Guys!! Happy Summer!! ♥

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Current Struggles.

Lately I have been praying a lot. I won't go into detail, because I don't want to start any drama. But I hope she knows I'm praying for her. And that I have been praying for patience, and understanding, and trying to not be selfish...

♥ I hope God can help me soon, because honestly, I can't do it on my own. I'm about to lose my cool. All I can do is get away..

I can't wait..

Monday, May 4, 2009


It's sooo stinkin stressful. Right now I'm studying for physics, ALL day. Because I can't pay attention in class because my teacher is TERRIBLE.. so here I am, trying to teach myself, the day before the final. Haha...oops..

Anyways, I don't get "finals week" I think it's like the worst idea ever. To cram all my finals within 72 hours of each other? My brain gets so mixed up with what I'm studying that it's so so hard to remember anything!! So I try to study for one thing each day, but honestly, one day of studying a subject is not enough to get an A on the final! Grrr.. But I guess I have no choice. So today, I'll study for physics. Then my physics final is at 7:30 AM tomorrow. Then, after that, I'll study for Anatomy & Physiology. Then that final is at 7:30 AM on Wednesday. Then on Wednesday, I'll have to double up, and study for Biology AND for Psychology, which finals I have on Thursday. It's just all going so fast I feel like I have absolutely no time to prepare!!

(and as I write this complaint about not having enough time to study- I'm sitting here on my computer.. haha)

Anyways, then on Thursday I'm packing up my stuff and then on Friday I'm heading home for summer! It should be an AWESOME summer this year :) Me and Brett are stronger than EVER and I am SO happy, my girlfriends are awesome and I'm pretty sure we are all closer than EVER as well.. It's great!! And my family is just so much fun and I plan on spending as much time with them as I can.. I'm not planning on working, I think I can make the few months on the money I have.. which will give me less money to go out to eat with, which hopefully will help me get in shape like I need to!! :) So this summer will be filled with friends, fun, my loverbutt, sunshine, family && MORE FUN!!!! :)

AH IM SO EXCITED!!!! See you all soon!!!