Monday, December 29, 2008

Dear Brett...

I know you won't ever read this. But I also know that I can't talk to you.. So I guess this is my idea of getting out all the thoughts I can't say to you.. I can't believe we're over.. I love you so much. And I guess I knew the breakup was coming, I knew that things were getting bad.. And I could tell you didn't love me anymore.. But I just.. I guess I just don't know WHAT happened. What did I do to make you stop loving me? How am I supposed to be okay right now? This hurts SO bad. And I don't want you to know that, but I am just ABSOLUTELY, completely, one hundred percent heartbroken. I don't understand why you would want to break up with me.. just so you can party on the weekends while I'm at school.. How can that be more important to you? I guess it's the memories that are killing me.. those times when you told me "I want us to make it tracy, I know we can"...when I didn't want to get into this relationship with you while I was at school.. but you promised me that we could do it.. well I guess you finally understood what I meant when I said that the long distance was hard.. huh.. :( Those times when you told me you would wait for me to finish college in Arizona.. that I was worth it.. so what now? Now I'm not..? :( That you didn't mind.. "waitin on a woman..". I guess I just feel like you let other people take over the way you feel. You moved in with your best friend and all of a sudden you were more interested in having drunk fun every weekend then you were interested in hanging out with me. I KNEW that would happen and it did. :(

I guess.. I understand. If you feel like you want to be crazy and young and have fun, then that's fine. I'm sorry I wasted your time.

I miss you so much though.. It's coming to 9 am right now and I know I won't get a text from you. And then again at 11:30.. I won't get a text from you then either. And it kills me.. I didn't have one from you at 5:30 this morning.. I feel so lost without you.. You were such an important part of my life and I want to thank you for that.. I just wish things never had to change. I wish you could have stuck it out. ..To know that I just met so much of your family.. I'm going to miss them so much. I wanted us so bad Brett.. I was so in love with you.. I enjoyed every moment I spent with you and your family.. and now I know that they're never going to see me again.. and I wonder what you're going to say when they ask you where I am.. or what happened between us.. :(

I dunno. I guess I just can't get my head around the question of how you can not love me anymore.. how come this isn't tearing you up like it's tearing me apart. :( I don't want you to be sad.. that's not what I mean. I just don't understand how you can be fine.. When you go to bed tonight does it hurt not to text me? When you wake up in the morning is it weird not to send me a text? Or to not be texting me right now? Or know that I'm here for two more weeks.. and you won't see me? That New Years Eve is right around the corner and there is no one else I would rather spend it with than you.. But now I don't get to? :(

I wish I could get rid of all the good memories. For right now at least. It hurts so bad to think of how much fun we had.. The random plans we had.. Like hiking those crazy hikes at the Grand Canyon together.. or going to the river together.. :(

I know we can't get back together, and that's what breaks my heart the most. That even if you somehow, miraculously came running back to me, that we couldn't get back together. Because of what you said about people making fun of you. That hurts my feelings so bad. To know that the people you care about the most, your family, your best friend.. made a joke out of us.. I know our relationship was screwed up and that I'm crazy.. but I always thought that's why you loved me.. :( why did you have to let them get to you.. But I guess you don't have to worry about that now.. I'll just stay out of your life..

But have fun. I love you. :(

Sunday, December 21, 2008


are boys so stupid :( how come he can't just GET how i feel. like honestly. yeah maybe i'm being stupid and overreacting to NOTHING but it still should matter that i'm upset. honestly. i hope things get better, i really really do.. because i am so so so in love with him but sometimes i look at him and i just wonder why he is still with me. not to say that he doesn't love me.. but i just.. i don't think i really matter much. just like.. it's almost christmas.. and no i don't really want a present from him.. but when i think about him saying that its because "he doesn't have any money right now".. and then he tells me about how he just bought like 3 new shirts AND a new sweatshirt.. i guess it just makes me feel kind of sad. and how he doesn't know what he's going to do on new years.. how it will just be a "last minute thing".. that wouldn't bother me if we weren't together.. but i'm his girlfriend.. why doesn't he want to spend that with me? and after this weekend.. him looking like he had NO fun at all when he hung out with me and my family and friends like.. i could never ask him to come with me.. i dunno. maybe i just expect to much. but he IS my boyfriend.. :( i dunno. it just sucks because i love him sooo much. like i LOVE this guy and i just want things to go back to how they were.. when he was totally crazy about me. :( blahhhh. ok..

i probably shouldn't be writing a blog about this.. because its no ones business and i should keep it to myself, and i love him and i don't want to lose him.. but yeah.. anyways..

Monday, December 8, 2008

Random Thought..

So, this is really random. And a lot of people are probably going to laugh at me for this. Hahaha. But I have this really crazy fear. I think that I'm totally scared that I'm not going to fall in love and get married. And yeah, that part sucks.. but the part that REALLY scares me is that I won't be able to have my own children. I want kids SO bad! I can definitely tell my biological clock has started ticking- Hahaha. Maybe I should just get a job where I work with kids. But seriously, whenever little kids come into my work, it makes me wish I was a Mom! I mean, you can tell there is like, no greater love in the world than a mother's love to her children. I want that! Aw kids are sooo cute. I already love my future little babies sooo much. Now I just need to keep a steady relationship and have a man who loves me so much and wants to marry my crazy self and then I can have babies.. ahhh!!!

The Secrets?

Can someone PLEASE tell me what the secret to a successful relationship is? Because I would really like to make this work. :) Thanks!! :)

Sunday, December 7, 2008


I'm not ok. :(

Saturday, December 6, 2008

How I've Been

I don't even know, to be honest. Well, I've been better. In both senses of the phrase. I've been better like, things are lame and I've been better; but I also HAVE been doing better than I was a few days ago. After reading everyones e-mails and all that stuff, and even talking to Brett a little bit, I decided that I really do need to focus on myself and stop worrying about the relationship I don't currently have. So, that's what I'm doing. Gonna have SO much fun with my family and my friends over Winter Break!! By this time next week I'll be home!! OMG I am sooo excited.

But first I gotta get through finals. I only have three.. so it's not too bad. And I've done fairly well on all my Chemistry ones, so I'm not worried about that.. It's really only my Statistics final that I'm stressed about. But I'm sure I'll do fine.

Last night we went to the undefeated NAU Ice Jacks hockey game against ASU, which I guess is our number one rival.. And unfortunately we lost :( But!! It was such a CRAZY and out of control game.. like we lost in the last 30 seconds.. But it was SO much fun. I LOVE hockey games.. and I didn't even know it!! They're just so much fun hahaha.. the fans were sooo vulgar last night it was cracking me up!!

Anyways, I should go study now. :) Gym later today (Lord knows I need it..) and then getting prettied up in case anything should go on after the hockey game tonight!! :)

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Breakups are hard.

I need to get over myself. Seriously. Like, yeah this sucks, but I'll be okay. If it's meant to be, then it will be. So, I'll give him his space, I'll take my space and make myself stronger. I am SO thankful for the amazing friends and family I have by my side every step of the way..

My besties haven't gone a second without texting me, talking when I want to, and changing the subject when I don't want to talk about it. I love those girls with all my heart, and can't wait to see them next week :)

Anyways, I'm putting these up here so that I can read them easier without opening all of my emails all the time. Seriously, God blessed me hardcore with amazing people like them in my life.

"Tracy-- If that's what he wants is space, provide it. I think that he may
be confused also..but he was just in nuts over you too..As they say LOVE
HURTS, I too went thur a handful of girls/ladies that I say I loved before
the correct one came along (your mom!!), it takes time for relationships to
build, just think back about how many years you guys knew of each-other but
were not an issue, how you guys finaly hooked up..ect, yea TC it is hard,
but keep you head clear and strong,,god has a plan for you and some person
out their for you..I love ya dearly, now go enjoy the gym.. love DAD"

"I was very sad when I saw your posting last night. If things work out, great. If not, you will survive and move on because you are a very strong person. As I frequently tell Steph, guys can be "jerks" and that will never change. You have a lot of people who care about you and I am one of them. I know you have a great Mom but sometimes you just need to talk to another adult. If you ever want to talk, just email me or call me. I love you!! Sandi"

"Hey Tracy!!! How are things? I was just reading your blog and the first one mentiond that you and Brett aren't together. Are you okay? I know how hard it can be to be apart. My husband has been away more than we have been together. The only thing that helps us get through is that we do truely love each other. If the two of you are truely in love, then you will make it through this. From what I can see you do love each other very much. You can see it in the pics and when you are together. One thing I have learned is that relationships aren't easy. They take work if you want them to last. It is so worth it when the work you put out means you get to keep the one you love. I try to look at things in the long run and not the right now. I'm not always happy in the right now with Greg and my situation, but when I look at it in the long run, I can't picture my life without him. The work now is worth it!!!! I hope you both work it out. If you need to talk don't hesitate to give me a call.

Take Care and see you soon!!



Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Posting Craze.

There probably will be a lot of posts for a little while, as random thoughts pop into my head, or things I just want to write down.

I just got off the phone with my mom, who is such an amazing woman, I honestly don't know what I would do without her. She's the only one who can really calm me down right now and look at what I need to do to make this work. I feel so much better after talking to her. I'm going to have to leave Brett alone for a while, give him his space, and work on making myself happy and healthy again. She said that if he really loves me (which her AND my dad think he really does love me..) then it will make him happy and he will want to be with me.

I love him so much. This is going to be so hard. I already miss all the stupid cute little things he does. The way he talks nonsense in his sleep, or how he kisses my head when we're cuddling watching a movie.. how he gives my mom big hugs when we're leaving.. how my dad always trys to make random conversation with him.. it's all so amazing. He is such an amazing guy and I know my love for him isn't going to go away just because I have to give him space. I love everything about him, his determination, his want for me to succeed, how much he cares about his friends, that he has a hobby that he really loves, learning more about his family, I'm going to miss watching the clock to text him on his morning break and his lunch break.. and getting phone calls every night just to talk, I'll miss having someone care where I'm going on the weekends, or who I'm hanging out with, I'm going to miss being able to tell him how much I love him.. I'm going to miss it all..

"Well I guess everything dies baby that's a fact
But maybe everything that dies someday comes back"

"Have faith that things will work out for the best, that whatever sent us off in different directions is the very same thing that will bring us back together."

Love Lost.

I'm hurting so bad right now. Trying to keep it to myself, to pretend like I'm happy, but I don't really know how. I'm just flat out SAD.

I am really going to miss him. I already do. I already missed him while he was mine, but now how am I supposed to do this? He's everything perfect. I love everything about him. I don't know what happened or why things started to change :( I love him so much.. This hurts so bad.. :'(

I hope he misses me. I hope more than anything that he realizes that he needs me.. because it sure as hell feels like I need him. He made me so happy, yet I took it for granted and ruined everything :( I'll never find a man as amazing as him.

:'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


My life is MINE. And I'm starting to realize that again. I'm confused about what I want, and it's scary, and it sucks, but I'll always be me and thats good enough for me.

I have amazing friends and an amazing family :)

Monday, December 1, 2008

Monday Update.

So, I just have one thing to state first.

I HAVE THE BEST BEST FRIENDS EVER!!! They are amazzzziiinggg and I don't know what I would do without them. I have ONE rough scary terrifying night, and from 500 miles away they STILL know how to comfort me!!! :] Lindsey and Elizabeth I LOVE YOU GIRLS!!!!!

Anyways, Thanksgiving break was nice, I'm excited to go home again (sorry maurice) haha. It will be so nice to spend time with my family and my friends!! And maybe my boyfriend if he's being nice ;] hahaha. just kidding.. kindaaa.

Anyways, this week is reading week and I have two lab finals and then three finals next week.. ahhh kill me nowww i hate finals and have NO motivation what so ever!!!

ok thats all byee

Saturday, November 29, 2008

being home is amazing, and i am loving every second of it, i'm sad to have to go back to flagstaff tomorrow, but i come back in like a week and a half for winter break :) but anyways, just a quick update i guess, i hope everyone had a greattt thanksgiving!! i did, and the weather outside is AMAZING.. i can't wait for my boyfriend to get home so we can go do something outdoorsy. until then, im doing homework! lame!!

love ya'll.

more updated post later. bye!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


I am SO happy to finally be home! :]

The drive here wasn't too bad, it sprinkled off and on, but never really all that bad. There were no slow drivers until, of course, I got off on the exit to go home!! AHHH this guy was driving me crazy!!! Oh well, I made it :]

So me and my mom stopped by Jaime's last night, chatted with her a little bit, then we went to Barbeque Pit for dinner! :] Mmmm so delicious!! Then of course, had to go to Baskin Robbins so I could drop of a note begging Julie to let me work over Winter Break!! Then we came home and Brett came over for the night :] Ah it is so nice to be with him again. I love that guy!! Then he left for work early this morning.. and I went back to sleep.. and then he called at like 7:30 telling me to come outside.. HA! I guess his jobsite was closed so he got to come back and hang out with me some more! :] It was nice. We slept a little longer and my dad made us some egg sandwhiches that were really yummy, and we all hung out a little bit and then Brett just went to pick up Chris and they're headed out to the desert for the weekend.. But luckily he is coming home on Saturday so we can hang out a little more :] But... so now I'm supposed to be getting ready for the day so that I can go to Rubios for lunch with my momma.. and get my eyebrows waxed, and my hair done a little later, and thennn I'm hanging out with the girls!!! OMG it has been SO long since all of us hung out without any tension, it's going to be so fun I just know it!! I'm sooo excited to catch up with them all!!!

Then tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I hope everyone has an amazing one!!! :]

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Good Morning!

Usually, I am not a morning person. But todayyy, I AM STOKED ON LIFE!!! Haha, I'm going to my chemistry class and then I'm GOING HOME!!!! :] :] :] Omg I am SO excited!!! :]

As soon as I get there I'm gonna hang out with my parentals a little bit and then meet up with Lindsey and I decided that I'm gonna make her go get some good Mexican food with me because it's been SO long since I've had any (AND it's been SO long since I've seen HER!! Hahaha.. love you linds) !! Then Brett should be out of school and he's gonna come stay the night at my house :] Yayyy I missed him!! Even though it's only been like 2 weeks since I saw him last haha. OH well I still miss him! Anyways..

AND Wednesday I'm getting my hair done and you have NO idea how happy THAT makes me!!!

And spending Thanksgiving with the family!! I have missed them so much, I love the holidays for bringing us all back together. And Christmas should be even better!! My brother and Blanca will be down and that means more babies!! :] I looove my little nephew and nieces!!

Anyways, I'm off to class!!!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Lyrics again..

Haha, so I know these posts are probably the most boring things EVER. But honestly, this song is sooo me. Haha, I LOVE it.

She was in the backyard, say it was a little past nine
When her prince pulled up, a white pickup truck
Her folks should of seen it comin' it was only just a matter of time
Plenty old enough, and you can't stop love.

She stuck a note on the screen door "Sorry but I got to go"
That was all she wrote, her mama's heart was broke
That was all she wrote, so the story goes

Now her daddy's in the kitchen starin' out the window, scratchin' and a rackin' his brains
How could 18 years just up'n and walk away?
Our little pony-tail girl grown up to be a woman
Now she's gone in the blink of an eye
She left the suds in the bucket and the clothes hangin' out on the line

Now don't you wonder what the preacher's gonna preach about sunday mornin'
Nothing quite like this has happened here before
Well he must have been a looker, a smooth talkin' son of a gun
For such a grounded girl to just up and run
Course you can't fence time, and you can't stop love

Now all the biddies in the beauty shop gossip goin' non stop Sippin on pink lemonade
How could 18 years just up'n and walk away?
Our little pony-tail girl grown up to be a woman
Now she's gone in the blink of an eye
She left the suds in the bucket and the clothes hangin' out on the line


She's got her pretty little bare feet hangin' out the window
And they're headin up to Vegas tonight
How could 18 years just up'n walk away?
Our little pony-tail girl grown up to be a woman
Now she's gone in the blink of an eye
She left the suds in the bucket and the clothes hangin' out on the line
She left the suds in the bucket and the clothes hangin' out on the line

She was in the backyard, say it was a little past nine
When her prince pulled up, a white pick up truck
Plenty old enough, and you can't stop love
No you can't fence time, and you can't stop love-

Hahaha. I just LOVE it! The whole, "white pick-up truck" thing is just TOO perfect, and that's exactly how it all happened for me!! :] and my poor parents.. its real love this time and i was even 18 when i fell in love with my amazing boyfriend!! haha. it's all too too funny.

Suds in the Bucket- Sara Evans :]

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Really Good Song.

So true, it really touches me.

"I Get To" by Blue County.

They used to make me go to church
clip-on tie, starchy shirt
I never heard the preachers words
all scrouched down in that pew
these days goin' to church
is somethin' I don't have to do
I get to

I used to have to hang with dad
wash his car and cut the grass
it took all day and I hated that
till his heart attack last June
these days helpin' dad I don't have to do
I get to
I get to

I get to wake up early
I get to go to work
I get to make an honest living
put my hands down in the dirt
I get to hear grandma complain about all her
little aches and pain
I get to rock my baby girl to sleep
spend my weekends coaching little league
there's a lot of things I don't have to do
I get to

I used to have to say those words
you always seemed to say em first
but I dreamt one night you'd left this earth
and I woke up and reached for you
now I realized I don't have to say I love you
I get to
oh baby, I get to

I get to wake up early
and I get to go to work
I get to make an honest living
and put my hands down in the dirt
I get to hear grandma complain
about all her little aches and pain
I get to rock my baby girl to sleep
spend my weekends coaching little league
there's a lot of things I don't have to do
oh there's a lot of things I don't have to do
I get to
I get to

I get to wake up early
and I get to go to work
there's a lot of things I don't have to do
I get to
I get to rock my baby
and I get to help my dad
there's a lot of things I don't have to do
I get to

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Too many posts,

I know and I'm sorry. Kind of. Haha. :] Anyways, I just wanted to say. The only person who can create happiness for me, is me. And I never want to forget that again. Life is good, thanks to me. Everyone else is amazing as well, but I control my happiness :]


Friday, November 21, 2008


I really miss having a life. It's a Friday night, and I'm in my room, spending the night laying in bed reading my book. It's only two and a half more years.. Then I can be with my family and my friends again. I can do this.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Random post.

I honestly just have nothing better to do right now. Well, no that's a lie. I could be getting ahead on schoolwork, and doing my anatomy lab drawings, but I just really don't feel like it. I am the least artistic person everrr.. and I have SO many drawings to do. But I'm retaking the class again next semester anyways, so I guess it doesn't really matter.

I wish more people would make blogs. I love reading people's blogs. Yeah, I'm a creeper, but they update them so people will read them, right? I mean, I would love for my friends to post like I do! Most of them claim they are "too busy" or their lives aren't interesting enough. How not true! Everyone's lives are interesting. Who is to say mine IS and your's ISN'T? Haha, mine is farrr from interesting, that's for sure. But writing in my blog is seriously addicting, I love it! And changing the layout! I really like this one, I think I'll keep it for a while. I liked the whole like, fall-themed one I had on here before, but it wasn't very "me". Haha.

So today.
I woke up and got ready for the day leisurely and then I went to target to refill my prescription.. and then I got back and hung up my Charger blanket over my window above my bed. It looks awesome! :] And Melissa is going to put up her Broncos blanket over her window. I think it will add a lot of flavor to our room. :] Which really needs to be cleaned, by the way. Maybe that's what I'll do tonight. Melissa is at the library, so I wouldn't be bothering her with my crazy cleaning personality. Haha. Then I went to lunch at the Union with Melissa and Maurice, and it was really really good food, they were having like a Thanksgiving dinner-type lunch! Mm, I had some turkey and ham and stuffing and mashed potatoes and green bean casserole! Yum! My favorite! Then me and Melissa went to the library and myspace-d until classtime. Then I had my anatomy lecture, which was SO boring. I hate that class soo much, my professor talks way too fast it's absolutely impossible to get any time-worthy notes! Except that he ended class by saying "Well, we could start on sex, but you guys get outta here, have a good weekend!" Haha he's sooo weird. Then I came back here and laid in bed for a while because I have super bad cramps, then Melissa convinced me to go to Pita Pit with her.. that place is SOO delicious!! Mmmmmm.. But yep, and now here I am, procrastinating on schoolwork.

I think I'll start cleaning.. :] and turn on some good ol' country music while I do. :] :]

Monday, November 17, 2008

Things to work on.

-being genuinely happy.
-being genuinely happy for others.
-not worrying so much.
-getting rid of my trust issues.
-loving more.
-get better grades.

my trust issues are killing my relationship. i have the most amazing and loving boyfriend ever, yet i still question him. i don't know why. i wish i didn't. i need to talk to someone. blah.

anyways. yeah.


I don't know why but lately I have just felt SO productive! Like, I really really want to be doing well in school, so I've been trying a lot harder, and it's obviously paying off! I got a 97% on my Statistics test, and a 100% on my chemistry quiz from last week!! What a great day today has been so far :]

So, one more exam.. and then we're at a straight shot for next Tuesday when I get to go home!! Yay!!! :] I'm soo excited.

Anyways, not much to post about.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Friday Update.

Not much to update about. This week was busy, a lot of classes and homework and working. The working part is good, I definitely needed the hours since I couldn't work all of last week thanks to being sick with a fantastic virus. Anyways, so that's all that's new really.

Besides the fact that for some reason, last night, I made the decision to stay at NAU all four years. I had been talking about transferring, and I was really hopeful that I would follow through with it, and I had been telling Brett I would look into it, so I finally did, and I realized that those other schools just weren't for me. I think there is a reason bigger than myself that I ended up here at NAU. I'm used to the campus, and the way the classes are run, and how study sessions are used to my advantage, where all the buildings are.. I think it would just be a burden for me to move home and have to figure out all that stuff all over again. Not to mention, being in Flagstaff really sucks, and I hate it, which kind of forces me to get my work done and really focus 100% on school. If I were at home I would have the temptations of all the great San Diego things, plus the fact that I would live closer to my friends, family and boyfriend.. So I think that being at NAU is the best idea for me for the next two and a half years.

The sucky part was telling Brett. I cried, a lot; and explained to him that I understood if he wanted to break up, or move on, because I can understand if he didn't want to do the long distance thing for such a long time. But he is an AMAZING boyfriend, and said he would never want to break up, and that we can do this.. that I'm almost halfway done with school. It's honestly crazy knowing that someone loves me this much. Like, honestly, it doesn't make sense. I don't understand WHY he would chose to stay in this relationship with me when I made the decision to stay 500 miles away for two more years. But it's amazing and I don't know what I would do or who I would be without him.

I love that I have an amazing family and boyfriend who completely support me no matter what hard decisions I make.

I thank God every day for gifts like them in my life.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

I'm on a roll this month...

with my number of posts! I have been updating like crazy, I know! I wish I knew who was reading this haha. Leave me a comment with your name! :] Anywayss..

IT IS SNOWING RIGHT NOW!!!!!! Snowing!!!! AND STICKING!! Ah!!! It's so crazy!! It IS fun and exciting but at the same time I hope it stops within this next week becauseee I don't like driving in the snow and I gotta leave TWICE.. for thanksgiving and winter break too.. ahh.

but I can't believe it's really snowing!!

haha ok that's all i guess? i gotta study for a statistics exam i have in the morning..


Friday, November 7, 2008

Money Problems.

Money creates the worst problems. No, money doesn't equal happiness, but it sure helps. I'm so money stressed right now it's ridiculous. Like, everything costs money. Obviously. But like, I'm broke, so there isn't anything I can do? Seriously though, like what is there to do when you're broke? You can't go to the movies, you can't buy a book to read, you can't DRIVE anywhere to go hang out with you friends. You can't even eat decent food without spending money. So here I am, stuck on campus, in my room, eating school food, being bored, and not spending money. And the thing is, I'm not even stressed about that. It's the fact that Christmas is coming up, and I'm not going to have any money to buy the people I love decent Christmas presents :( Poop. I know people understand, because I'm a broke college student, but it still sucks. Lots.

Everything should just be free for college students. Ok, not free, that's pushing it. But cheaper? :(

Blahhhh. That's all.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Life is LAME Right Now...

So I woke up feeling like crap for about the fourth day in a row, so I decided to head to the on-campus health center. They checked me out and decided that I have a nice little virus. Well, that SUCKS. In case you didn't know, there is NOTHING they can do about a virus, you just have to let your body deal with it. WOO freakin HOO. :( Although, the nice lady DID give me a cough syrup to take before bed that has codiene in it so it should knock me right out, which I am SO thankful for, because these last few nights have been hell, waking up and coughing so often.

Anyways, on another, happier note.. the lineup for Stagecoach this year was announced. And it's AMAZING!!! I might venture to say that it's one of the best ones yet! And it's only the third year, but still! I thought it couldn't ever get any better than the previous years but it did...


and that's only the one's that I've heard of! It's going to be SO MUCH FUN!!! Tickets are only $99 for Saturday AND Sunday. My mom already booked our hotel room!! :] Ahhh I'm so stoked!!! April 25th is way too far away!!!

Anyways, you should all go. It's a GOOD time :] Nothin beats a bunch of country folk sittin around listening to awesome music and daaancin and singing and eatin good barbeque and yummy fruit drinks and alcohol toooooo!!

woo!!! k bye :]

Monday, November 3, 2008

Monday Night.

First of all, life is so good :] I went home this weekend, definitely a last minute decision. I was supposed to go to the desert with my daddy and his friends, and see my boyfriend while I was there too. Then when Brett called me and told me that he and his family weren't going anymore, I was super bummed. Then my dad told me that THEY weren't going to be able to go either. At the time I was devistated because I really really needed to get out of Flagstaff, I had been here WAY too long. So I called Brett and cried to him (he's such a good guy haha) and he decided that I should just come home for the weekend!! A BRILLIANT idea!!! So I decided to surprise my parents, because I knew that they would try to talk me out of it if I told them.

I drove down on Thursday afternoon and stayed with Brett for the night, and then hung out with him all day on Friday, which was Halloween, we went shopping for my costume for that night and just spent time together, which was fun like always. And then it came time to go surprise my mom, which was AWESOME!! Such a better surprise than I was expecting. She was SO excited, it made me SO happy!! :] Props to Brett for coming up with the plan, I'm sure my mom gave him mucho brownie points for bringing her baby girl home :] Then me and Brett had to take off to go to Chris's to get ready for a Halloween party at Kera's grandparents, which turned out being SO much fun! :] So many random people showed up, it was crazy to see people from high school like that. And I also ran into a girl from my work, Erin! Haha so random, we all had such a good time. :] Then me and Brett came home and went to bed, because my mom was making us wake up early the next morning to go to breakfast with the gym moms, which was fun, I'm surprised Brett went with us, and that he survived! :] Then we took a nice nap after that, then went shopping for a present for Brin, Brett's sister, birthday. Then we went to a barbeque with my family until we had to leave for Brin's birthday dinner, which was so much fun! I'm having a blast getting to know Brett's family and friends, it's going great!! :] Then we all went miniature golfing which was super fun as well, and then home for bedtime because I had to drive back to Flagstaff on Sunday morning :( So after another emotional goodbye (I don't think I'll ever be good at those..) I was on my way back to Flagstaff.

When I got here I realized I was SUPER sick! It's so sucky! I have a pretty bad cold, a nice cough :] So today I went to my classes and called in sick to work (I didn't think that anyone wanted a coughing girl serving them their ice cream) and slept for about four hours, thennn relaxed some more and did some homework, then now I'm working on a study guide for my Bio 202 exam on Thursday. Although, I'm failing the class anyways, so there's really no point in studying. This professor is crazy and doesn't really understand that we're NOT grad students, and we don't know everything prior to him teaching us!! UGH!!! Haha. Whatever.

I'm going to end this one on a good note.
Have a good week, everyone!! :]

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


super excited. :] hehehe trick or treat!!!

Monday, October 27, 2008

One bad thing.

about living in a dorm room, and having a roommate.. is that you can't cry yourself to sleep without feeling like a complete idiot :(

Life on a Monday..

So, catching up here. :] I know, you have missed me, right? Just kidding, I don't think anyone even reads this besides me. And if you do, you should respond to my posts, cause I want people to read them! Haha. :] But I'm procrastinating on homework just so that I can update this, so you better enjoy it :]

Anywaysss... Life has been GOOD. I am in an oddly good mood today, and if you know me, you know that's seriously like.. not an every day thing. Haha. Just keeping up with school (or trying to) and working at the good ol' BR, where it seems like I am FINALLY making friends with the people who work there.. This owner is very nit-picky about saving money, so things are so much different than they were at my old BR.. plus our schedules are actually up two weeks in advance! OMG it's so nice! Hahaha. But today I just had classes and then went to work a little later, which was good good.

This last weekend was nice having the room to myself again. And I actually enjoyed my Friday spending time by myself, just reading and watching TV and doing random stuff like that, then on Saturday I went to the football game with Scott and Reese.. NAU lost horribly to Weber State.. and then ended up going to the ice hockey game with them too. It was my first time and I must say it is SO FUN!! Haha, I have never heard so much shit-talk in my whooole life. But we stand by the other teams goalie and basically haggle them the whole time, it was so so funny, not to mention that these girls next to us were so ridiculously drunk and screaming the funniest things.. hahaha. I love drunk people, they crack me up. But then I came home and went to bed because I got a headache from being so cold I think. Then Sunday I tried to watch the Charger game.. but it wasn't on TV here.. they played infomercials instead!! How annoying is that?! I mean, at least play SOME sort of football game!! Errr it was really frustrating. Then to top it off, all the washing machines were occupied after I lugged my laundry all the way down there to do it. Ugh! So I just basically sat around being unproductive until work.. Then went to bed after that. :] Good weekend stories, I know.

This week should go by fast though, I don't really have any big tests or assignments due, which is a nice break for once.. It seems like something is always due, like I always have something to stress about, so it's nice not to for once! :] Then this weekend I'm driving to Yuma to go to the desert to visit my daddy!! It should be fun because it's Halloween weekend.. which is basically the opening weekend for the desert so it should be pretty packed with lots of people! :] And hopefully I will be able to find my boyfriend out there so I can see him too and snag a few kisses ;]

But yep, that's all for now.
I guess it's about time I get my homework done.. :]
Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, and The Hills tonight! Yay! :]

Monday, October 20, 2008

A good weekend..

is exactly what it was. on thursday night i went to phoenix to pick up my baby from the airport.. which was so awesome. :) ahh. i miss him so much!! anyways. i got there early, and waited a bit, then had to look all over for him because we got all mixed up about who was going to be where.. but it was amazing to finally see him again, he looked so good :) yay. so we drove back up to flagstaff, checked into the hotel and went to bed..

on friday i had a test in my stats class, which i actually feel pretty good about, which i'm glad about :) and i don't really rememeber what else we did, just hung out around flagstaff, we went to the mall and we both got new shoes.. and then hung out at my dorm, the hotel.. where he gave me the prettiest tiffanys necklace ever!!! ahhh!! i know right, im the luckiest girlfriend everrr i have the best boyfriend in the whole world that loves me SO much and i love soooo much too!!!...anyways. then we tried to go bowling, but that ended up not working, so me and brett and meliss just ended up getting ice cream haha. then watched a movie.. then passed out..again!!

then on sunday we went to the grand canyon!! it was sooo awesome!! i love love loved it and we both had such a good time!! it was my first time.. and we definitely made plans for the next time brett comes up that we want to go on a hike down there!! how fun would that be?! :) yayyy. anywaysss.. then just hung out again.. went to a movie..

then on sunday we attempted to watch the charger game at buffalo wild wings.. but you all know how that went haha. then we headed down to phoenix until it was time to say goodbye.. :(

aww.. doesnt really sound like the most fun weekend ever.. but that's just it.. we don't have to be doing all this crazy fun planned out stuff to have an AMAZING weekend. im so in love, guys!!! its crazy and i looove it.

i can sooo feel forever. :)

anyways. that's that.
now just looking forward to halloween weekend.. going to the desert!!! :)
and then home for thanksgiving!! :)

Thursday, October 16, 2008


going to pick up brett in phoenix tonight!!! yayyy :)

Monday, October 13, 2008

Here's a question: Why...?

Okay, so tonight has been kind of hectic. I have been doing homework and studying since about 7:00, and then my boyfriend called and we talked and we talked.. and the topic of my schooling came up, and what i plan to do...

and like.. here is where my question comes into play. WHY does it have to be so hard for me to make a decision? WHY can't it just be laid out flat in front of me.. what will benefit me the most in the long run? which school will influence my future career in the best way.. which school would i be the happiest at? if i leave NAU will i regret it?! Whyyyy do the answers to these questions not exist!!! How come i couldn't be one of those kids who never had a doubt about what they were going to do.. it seems like even everyone i know at junior colleges have it all planned out SO much better than i do.. they know where they are going and what they want to do.. why can't that be the case for me? whyy does this all have to be so mind-boggling and confusing? why do my emotions have to go on the biggest rollercoaster over and over again, yet still getting no where? Im so so stuck lately, and im sick of having NO IDEA...literally NO STINKIN IDEA of what to do.. every pro balances out every con, and vice versa. im STUCK. how the hell am i supposed to make a decision? WHAT am i supposed to do?!!?!? I don't even know what will make me the happiest.. but then again i can't make a decision based only on right NOW... ughhh goodness gracious. Loooorrd help me!!!

but i know how blessed i am. i have the most amazing mother in the entire world, who can frustrate me to tears and then make me feel 100% better by the time i get off the phone, and i have a boyfriend who supports me and will stay by my side no matter what i do... and friends through it all. it's time to figure this out...

Friday, October 10, 2008

it's all adding up...

is how i feel lately. i don't know. this time a month ago, i was having SO much fun and just loving every aspect of everything. and i miss that. i'm seriously crying as i sit here writing this, because i don't know what happened.. somewhere along the way, that girl disappeared. i was so strong, and independent while still loving everyone in my life that means so much to me. and i mean, not that i don't love them.. but i feel like i'm sinking back into my hole. my mom just called me, and she was all talkative and stuff but for some reason i just was like.. blah. i couldn't really keep up a conversation with her.. i wasn't all happy and excited to hear from her or talk to her like i used to be. i don't know where the fun, happy, loves-everything tracy went. maybe it was all a hoax, i never really was that way.. and this is who i truly am.. just a lost little girl who is never really happy. :( i just want to be happy.. like.. in every sense of the word.. :(

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

dear tracy,

could you PLEASE just lose some weight?
you look disgusting, and could be way better.
k cool thanks.


it's been a while, huh?

my bad! i didn't realize how long it has been since i posted in here. i guess you could say i have been a little busy, but that would be a HUGE understatement!! since about three weeks ago, life has just been so absolutely and completely out of control. but not nessicarily in a bad way. and i know i spelled that wrong, but i can't figure out how to spell it right. whatever, haha. anyways..

my besties came two weeks ago and it was just SO much fun. i'm glad they finally got to make a trip up here like we have been talking about forever.. it was so so nice to see them and spend time with them.. i miss those girls so much! they are like my soulmates, seriously. so we had our fun, i got sick, haha.. classy right? whateverrr. drama happened, i'm so glad they were here with me through it all, it all got figured out though, so that's good. just parties and hanging out and having too too much fun with them!!! lindsey got a super cute tattoo and met a really creepy guy, and i don't remember much else about the weekend, but it was really, really good. :) pictures will be attatched at the bottom of this blogggg... :)

then this LAST weekend my mom, my sister, and my niece all came up to visit. and not to say that i didn't have fun with my girlies, because i DID, but it was nice to have a relaxing weekend after the previous one.. haha. we just hung out together, watched the charger game on sunday, and before i knew it they were gone :( but it was so nice to see them, i love and miss my family so much, now i just wish i could see my dad. but thanksgiving will be here before i know it, for sure..

which by the way i am SO excited for, because i have this amazing boyfriend who is going to go with me to my aunts!! :) it's going to be so much fun. everything with him by the way, is amazing. sure we have our moments, but not many of them, and we get them all figured out quickly. i trust him more than i ever have before, and it's been so so good between us, i can just feel this all beginning, its amazinggg.. looove him. anddd HE COMES IN ONE WEEK!!!!! yay i am so so sooo excited!!! and i think we are going to go to the grand canyon, and i have never been!! im soooo excited... yayyyy for finallyyyy getting hugs and kisses from the onlyyy guy i want them from anymore :) i love being in love.

other than that stuff, school is KILLING me. like, literally. i don't know how i even have time to write all of this. i really should be doing my statistics homework and reading for my ethnic studies class and studying for the threeee exams i have next week.

and as if school didn't keep me busy enough, im now working at the baskin robbins here in flagstaff, and i swear i work like every day of every week, but it seems like every day i actually get off, someone calls in sick and they need me to work.. blah!!!

anyways, life IS good.
love my friends
love my family
love my boyfriend. :)

peeeekchas attatched for your enjoyment.

us girls getting ready for the charger game at buffalo wild wings :)

matt & joes GIs and Hoes..

Fun night.. :)

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

so true.

dumb bitches.

Well you're a real hot cookie with your new hairdo
Your high heel boots and your credit card
Long legs and a mini skirt
Yeah you know what works and you work it hard
You smile like such a lady, innocent and sweet
You drive the men folk crazy, but any girl can see
You're just a

I know what you're doin'
You think you're gonna ruin what I got, but you're not
Yeah you little go getter
I'll teach you a lesson
If you get to messin' with my man
You don't stand a chance
No, you're just a homewrecker

I'm sure you waited for a long, long time
To find a man like mine
But honey you're too late
So before you go and make your move
Maybe me and you should get a few things straight
There's two ways we can do this
I'll let you decide
You can take it somewhere else
Or we can take it outside, you little

I know what you're doin'
You think you're gonna ruin what I got, but you're not
Yeah you little go getter
I'll teach you a lesson
If you get to messin' with my man
You don't stand a chance
No, you're just a homewrecker

Now honey, I'm a Christian, but if you keep it up
I'm-a gonna go to kickin' your pretty little butt
Is that clear enough, yeah, you little

I'll teach you a lesson
If you get to messin' with my man
You don't stand a chance
No, you're just a homewrecker

Yeah you're just a homewrecker
A homewrecker

Monday, September 22, 2008

nights like tonight...

make it all so worth it.
for once i feel like im actually with someone
who finally, actually means it.
i love him and he loves me! YAY its so amazinggg
ANYWAYS. enough mooshy mooshy.

today was unrealistically good..
for the way i woke up and expected it to be, which was crappy. haha.

so. :) i woke up and went to class, statistics was boring as alwaysss and chemistry was no different.. but at the end of chem we got our tests back from last wednesday.. and GUESS who got a 102%?!?!?! YES ME!!!!!!!! omggg the highest score in the class of like 200 people.. im not even kidding!!!!! ahhhhhhh... so that was a GREAT start to the whole dayyy :) then i basically ran back to my room.. and went straight to work.. and then back to my room at like 5:30 to start watching the charger game.. then went to my meeting with the RHD from back the first weekend of school when i got in trouble.. and she was REALLY nice which i wasnt expecting :) so that went wellll.. and then came back to the end of the charger game which they FINALLY won without the refs sucking!!!! yayyy they deserve it hahaha. then my fantastic boyfriend called and we talked about him coming here to visit and im SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!! :)

omggggggg good life... :)

love yalll. how goes it?

Sunday, September 21, 2008


i just, i have so much on my mind. and i have nothing i can say.

i miss home.
my life is amazing.
but i feel like..
like it could be so much more.
i guess it's not time for my life to start yet.
but i'm dying to get to know his family..
to make my place..
for him to come hang out with mine..
maybe i'm just moving too fast..
but i feel ready.
i feel like i'm finally in love.

...and i'm 500 miles away.
it's hard.
it's soo... hard.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I figured it out. Why I've been so happy lately.. It's because I WANT to be. :) And so, I am. there, simple as that. :)

minus the fact that i have three tests this week.
oh well, one down,
two to go....
and lots more classes
and starting work this week..

Monday, September 15, 2008

more quoting myself..

"arizona is pretty good, a LOT better than last year. it's still no san diego, and it's definitely not home, and it's hard being away from my best friends and my boyfriend but it's all part of life and stuff so i'm having fun while i'm here. :-)" 8.28.08.


this weekend was good, really good.

friday consisted of
dinner at collins irish pub
three apple martinis :)
pregaming with friends
mad i to dance with them
a nice walk back to campus
and bed. :)

saturday was just as good.
getting up at like 11
staying in bed until like 4
meeting new people
going to a party
being sober
cops coming
hanging out in my car
playing cards in a new friends room
watching tv in the gabaldon game room,
watching pineapple express
bed. :)

and sunday.. well sunday..
slept in until noon
got up and went to buffalo wild wings to watch the charger game
watched the chargers get ripped off.
gym time
dinner time with melissa and dom
cleaning our room..
spice world
and bed. :)

..good weekend.
now i'm hoping for a good week.
for me and for you. :)

Friday, September 12, 2008


why stress out about this right now? it's a silly relationship. sure i love him, i really do. but if it's meant to be, then it will be, and it will get better. i hope it does. but i'm not going to get all stressed out and bummed out over it right now. it's for fun right now, not for forever. again.. if it's meant to be, it will be. and if it's not, it would seem silly later in my life that i actually cried over this. so, that's that. my life is mine, and i'm happy.


Thursday, September 11, 2008

I write in here too much..

I wrote this before I left for school. I read it again today, and remembered what I'm here in Arizona for, and it helped me to feel better, after having a tough morning talking to my boyfriend. Well, here it is.

"As I sit here and think about how bummed I am to go back to school, I realize that it is mostly because I am going to miss my friends and my boyfriend and my family. But then, when I think about it, this is my life, and I need to solidify it on my own before including others in on my life-changing decisions. So when I think about how I wish I could just stay home to make my life start here, so I can be more committed to my boyfriend, or anything else, I just need to realize that we both made the promise to focus on what needs to be focused on, and for me, that is going to school in Arizona, at least for this year. Then, after that, we will see where we stand, and make decisions when the time comes to make them. But overall, I just have to realize that Arizona is a choice that I made, and I need to go back to school without the negative attitude, and try my hardest to be happy and make some serious progress in my own life before combining that with the lives of others, no matter how much I love them.." (Aug. 13, 2008)

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


Motivation..maybe..? :(
so stinkin depressing.
i feel like throwing up all the food i have everrr eaten.
it's so hard to eat healthy at college =/
i need to go to the grocery store.
and buy fruit.
and ziplock baggies.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008


Colleges seriously find ANY way possible to make its students give them money. It's rather disgusting, they already get SO much money out of donations.. not to mention that tuition is ridiculous. Disgusting. Where does the $25 late fee for signing up for a class two weeks into the semester go.. huh? What are they using that money for? Ugh. Whatever. I know what I WON'T be using it for.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Feeling bad..

... for my post earlier. I have this friend Spencer, he works in Parking Services. :-) He is such a nice guy he totally voided my parking ticket for me!! It's nice having connections ;-) Haha! I kinda feel like a brat now being rude about the people who work there.. Spencer is cool. Ha. The rest of them can suuuck it. Anyhow, dinner time. Tryin' to keep it as real as I can in lame Flagstaff haha.


Ranting & Raving.

So this weekend in Tucson was.. interesting. Let's just get started on what the title of this blog is all about. Friday night I don't even remember what we did, to be honest because Saturday night was so absolutely out of control. I won't go into details, because I don't really think it's my place to discuss other people's drama for everyone to know, but here we go. So, at about 8ish we are finally ready to go out and stuff.. I'm DD, so I'm not drinking with the rest of the girls.. (which I totally don't even mind at all, don't get me wrong..). So we're driving around.. which is already kinda sketchy for me because I don't live in Tucson, so I'm basically just taking directions from these goofy drunk girls.. We end up at this one guy's house, and a fight may or may not have broken out.. with some of the girls that I'm with. So I'm sitting in the car waiting for them for what seems like forever, already bumming out and upset because I'm alone.. worrying about them like the worrier that I am, and I have no one to talk to, no one to text or anything because I'm too shaken up. Sooo.. we end up driving away from there after a lot of shit went down, and then the girl in the front seat of the car I'm driving (which is Melissa's Blazer, by the way..) and the girl in the backseat start arguing like nooo freakin other and eventually start to freaking fight. By this time I'm already freaking out because the girl in the back was basically SCREAMING in my ear.. and I pull over and blah blah blah. It was a lot more dramatic than it's coming out on this post.. but whatever. It was a sketchy night for me, and anyone who knows me knows that I NEVER put myself into situations like that, and now I never will again.. I know so much better, I just don't want to deal with scary mean drunk people anymore. :( (and melissa if you read this don't feel bad i had so much fun and none of this is your fault.. looove you roomie!)

Anyways. So we got back to Flagstaff at like 12:30 last night.. SO LATE! We thought that The Hills would be on at 7:30, so we stayed late to watch it in Tucson, turns out it WASN'T on then.. because of the stupid VMAs.. which we missed Britney's preformance too.. that I was really looking forward to.. But I'm sure I'll find it online. Anyways, this is all leading somewhere I promise.. hahaha. So I'm already SUPER tired today because I didn't go to sleep until about 1:30.. and it takes me forever to fall asleep at night.. so I go to my classes on North campus this morning.. then when I walk (run) out to my car in the parking lot I find a freaking PARKING TICKET. Ughhh!!! Like wow, how convienent. So that just makes me mad right off the bat. Then, I'm looking at it.. and it's for $50!!! What the hell!!! Last semester I got a parking ticket and it was only $30.. why the hell did they feel the need to raise the price of a parking ticket? What is that money even used for anyways? To pay the people who work at parking services? Well they all SUCK and they should feel seriously guilty. I'm also pissed because I DON'T have the money to pay for the ticket. Like, I'm looking for a job right now.. but that's SO hard to do in a college town because I'm just like EVERY other starving college student that needs something for an income.. So basically I'm screwed. Not onlyyyy because I have to pay for the stupid parking ticket.. but because now I don't know how the hell I'm EVER going to get to my anthropology class in time. My first two classes on Monday & Wednesday are on North campus, and my Anthro class is all the way on the other side of campus.. which would take me at least 25 minutes to walk.. and I only have 20 to do it in. What the hell am I supposed to do?! The other thing that pisses me off is that the school has been CLOSING parking lots. Like are you serious?!?!?! Yeah, they are CLOSING parking lots to put in pretty pretty grass. Like you have to be kidding me I'm so mad!!! I understand that it's Flagstaff and you want it to be pretty. But isn't the whole point of a Univeristy to LEARN from?! How do they expect me to do that if I can't make it to my classes on time. No, don't tell me to get a bike. I can't freaking afford one, ok?

Ughhhhhh. Ok. Homework, then gym time to work out my frustration. Hope you all are having a fantastic start to your week.. I really really do.

If you're a friend from home,
pleeease call me. I miss you all SO much!!

Friday, September 5, 2008

Off to Tucson..

It might be a bad decision, but whatever. I should stay in Flagstaff and tackle the tons of homework I have, and look for a job, but I guess that it can wait. I would rather not stay behind and be sad and lonely haha. So off I go to Tucson with Melissa. We'll see how it all goes next week. For now, I'm excited, this weekend will be fun!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

I love Thursdays!

Why do I love Thursdays, you're probably asking yourself.. Because I JUST woke up!! How stinkin' awesome is that?! Hahaha. It's pretty great. And I only have one class and it's not until 2:20, and I actually LIKE the class! :-) It's my Anatomy & Physiology lecture, and it's a good thing I like it because it's basically my major haha. It makes me feel pretty comfortable about my future that I actually like the stuff I'm studying and will actually need for the rest of my liiife.. :)

Anyways? Know what else I love?! My roommate!! Hahaha. Seriously though, this year is SO much better than lastttt!! Last night we watched Jon & Kate Plus 8 before we went to sleep, and then turned it off because we were sooo tired and just wanted to sleep... haha well obviously not. We started talking about the most random shit! Hahaha.. I think it started off with me bringing up the question about like.. wondering if we had twins somewhere else in the world that like we just don't know about... but do real twins have twins? or is THEIR twin the only twin they have? hahaha.. then we talked about how WEIRD cell phones are and how they work.. and how it's actually REALLY scary to fly in airplanes.. hahaha on and on with the most RANDOM stuff.. it was so funny and we were cracking up all night.. i bet you we didn't go to bed until like 1 AM!! Crazy!! (well for her.. since she had class this morning.. i just slept hahah)

Anyways, I should go start getting ready for the day, do some things aroudn here, maybe some homework, then go to class.. then tonight I think we're going to go to dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings! Yessss I am SO excited that place is DELICIOUS!!! :-) mmm.. Be jealous!!!

Bye Lovers. :)

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Today has been fine. I woke up and got out of bed, decided I was WAY too tired to actually go to my statistics class, so I argued with myself about the pros and cons of going.. and decided that since I already have all the notes, and I can barely understand the teacher when he talks anyways (he has a hardcore chinese accent).. I should just go back to bed. So, I did. Then I got up and went to my chemistry class, took the quiz, which I think I actually did decent on, which is surprising due to the small amount of studying I did & how much I hate chemistry.. and then came back to the room because my anthropology class was cancelled.. then me & Melissa went and got lunch at the union and I went and bought some books that I still needed, then we came back and I slept for a little bit before I had to get up and go to my chemistry lab. I'm so glad that I don't dread that class anymore. Last year was so terrible, I hated that class more than anything. Yes it's still my least favorite class, but working with dangerous chemicals that could potentially burn my skin off, doesn't really bother me anymore, it's just something I do. hahaha. And I potentially planned on going to the rec center right after lab, but was hungry, so I grabbed a sandwich (yum!) that I actually have yet to eat. My body seems to be pretty mad at me for going so crazy this last week. It's crazy, I feel like I'm growing up SO much.. so many things I have to take care of on my own for once, not having someone to do them for me.. hahaha.. sounds like I'm a spoiled brat, and I guess I kind of am, but whatever, I'm growing up now. :)

Ok. I'll probably add more to this later, but I'm hungry!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

i really don't want to be one of those girlfriends that does SO much and is so obviously crazy about the guy she is with...

when her boyfriends friends don't even know she's his girlfriend...


post four in two days. :)

hello again. <--- that makes it seem like im kinda in a good mood huh? WELL I'M DEFINITELY NOT!!! ahhh goodness gracious i am going crazy! my life is seriously like trying to hunt me down and kill me or something!!...or at least make me start acting more grown up and responsible..

nothinggg is going right today!! i need two books to read two chapters out of tomorrow.. and my mom put my last check from baskin in my bank account, but it still hasn't cleared so granted i can't buy the books, so i will be behind in class. PLUS i have been in contact with my doctor for about a week now deciding whether or not she would give me my prescription, and today i get a call from her little nurse-man telling me that NO she won't give it to me unless i come in for an appointment.. which OBVIOUSLY i can't easily do because i'm not freaking at home.. like come on.. you're annoying. errrrr so now i'm like a week off on my meds and its going to take at LEAST a few more days until i can figure out another way to get them.. freaking... ugh!!!!!!

so needless to say i am super stressed out and pissed off and not a happy tracy today. so i'm going to go eat some pasta for dinner and then use those carbs to hopefully have a really good workout tonight. then do homework.. studying for chemistry which obviously won't make me happy either because CHEMISTRY SUCKS!!!!!!

okay enough complaining.
life is good, nonetheless.

Monday, September 1, 2008

words that hold so much hope..

that keep me holding on...

"i swear i love you tracy. i want us to make it i know we can."

Hello againn!! :) so today turned out a lot a lot better than it started. i gave up on fixing things with the boy, so i just took some time to myself and stopped talking to him. sounds harsh, i'm sure haha. but sometimes i just need to clear my mind and do things that i like to do! so i took a shower, took a nice long nap, and then got up and took myself to the gym.. but before that i called my mommy and finally got to catch up with her! i miss her so so much!! we talked for about 20 minutes and about basically everything in the whooole wide world. so that was nice :) but then i came back in suuuch a better mood, probably because Einstien was finally open again after being closed all weekend! so i went to get me a bagel and a coffee (which i still need to eat!) and melissa gave me a bunch of her good music to put on my computer, so that's super cool.. and now i'm doing homework.. and if you know me, you know that i actually like doing homework, so it's basically putting me in a good mood, i love feeling productive! haha. :) and then in about 40 minutes.. the best TV night of the week starts!! i'm so excited!!..Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, and then the Hills! Yesssss... :)

okay, so that's that..

by the way, does anyone know of any good diet plans for a college student? because i really would like to be on a good diet but it's so hard only having certain food choices on campus... so if you know of anything, tell me! :-) k thaaanks.

First Post.

Heyyy.. well welcome to my blog. Haha, I've never really done this before, so it should be interesting. Anyhow, let me update you all.

I moved back to Flagstaff about a week and a half ago.. It started off really good, but I can tell I'm already getting really homesick. It's always so hard to leave my family and my friends and now you throw a boyfriend in there, and I just don't really know what to do with myself sometimes. There isn't much to do in Flag.. so a lot of times I find myself just going to sleep so that I'm not bored or lonely.

Anyways, I don't feel like I have much to say right now. I just woke up from a nap and I think I'm about to head to the gym right now, just for something to do. Then do laundry and homework. Tonight is Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, AND The Hills. :) Sooo that should be fun. :-)