Dear Brett...

I know you won't ever read this. But I also know that I can't talk to you.. So I guess this is my idea of getting out all the thoughts I can't say to you.. I can't believe we're over.. I love you so much. And I guess I knew the breakup was coming, I knew that things were getting bad.. And I could tell you didn't love me anymore.. But I just.. I guess I just don't know WHAT happened. What did I do to make you stop loving me? How am I supposed to be okay right now? This hurts SO bad. And I don't want you to know that, but I am just ABSOLUTELY, completely, one hundred percent heartbroken. I don't understand why you would want to break up with me.. just so you can party on the weekends while I'm at school.. How can that be more important to you? I guess it's the memories that are killing me.. those times when you told me "I want us to make it tracy, I know we can"...when I didn't want to get into this relationship with you while I was at school.. but you promised me that we could do it.. well I guess you finally understood what I meant when I said that the long distance was hard.. huh.. :( Those times when you told me you would wait for me to finish college in Arizona.. that I was worth it.. so what now? Now I'm not..? :( That you didn't mind.. "waitin on a woman..". I guess I just feel like you let other people take over the way you feel. You moved in with your best friend and all of a sudden you were more interested in having drunk fun every weekend then you were interested in hanging out with me. I KNEW that would happen and it did. :(


I guess.. I understand. If you feel like you want to be crazy and young and have fun, then that's fine. I'm sorry I wasted your time.

I miss you so much though.. It's coming to 9 am right now and I know I won't get a text from you. And then again at 11:30.. I won't get a text from you then either. And it kills me.. I didn't have one from you at 5:30 this morning.. I feel so lost without you.. You were such an important part of my life and I want to thank you for that.. I just wish things never had to change. I wish you could have stuck it out. ..To know that I just met so much of your family.. I'm going to miss them so much. I wanted us so bad Brett.. I was so in love with you.. I enjoyed every moment I spent with you and your family.. and now I know that they're never going to see me again.. and I wonder what you're going to say when they ask you where I am.. or what happened between us.. :(

I dunno. I guess I just can't get my head around the question of how you can not love me anymore.. how come this isn't tearing you up like it's tearing me apart. :( I don't want you to be sad.. that's not what I mean. I just don't understand how you can be fine.. When you go to bed tonight does it hurt not to text me? When you wake up in the morning is it weird not to send me a text? Or to not be texting me right now? Or know that I'm here for two more weeks.. and you won't see me? That New Years Eve is right around the corner and there is no one else I would rather spend it with than you.. But now I don't get to? :(

I wish I could get rid of all the good memories. For right now at least. It hurts so bad to think of how much fun we had.. The random plans we had.. Like hiking those crazy hikes at the Grand Canyon together.. or going to the river together.. :(

I know we can't get back together, and that's what breaks my heart the most. That even if you somehow, miraculously came running back to me, that we couldn't get back together. Because of what you said about people making fun of you. That hurts my feelings so bad. To know that the people you care about the most, your family, your best friend.. made a joke out of us.. I know our relationship was screwed up and that I'm crazy.. but I always thought that's why you loved me.. :( why did you have to let them get to you.. But I guess you don't have to worry about that now.. I'll just stay out of your life..


But have fun. I love you. :(